Ep. 55: Fierce, Feminine, and Free: Laura Dionisio Turns 40
It's a birthday episode, and and Laura is not messing around She's turning 40 and taking you through every version of herself that got her here, and some of them will surprise you.
Laura turns 40 and uses this milestone episode to do something she actively encourages every high achiever to try: stop moving the goalpost and actually look back at how far you've come. She introduces the concept of treating your life like software versions, complete with release names, to reflect on the pivotal moments that shaped who you are. It's personal, it's honest, and it's the kind of episode that makes you want to hit pause and do the exercise yourself.
Laura has been five different women. One of them killed her own dream before anyone else could. Another decided her real personality was a liability. This episode walks through all five versions of Laura, in order, including the one who made a decision in the middle of a pandemic that changed everything. Spoiler: it wasn't practical.
What You'll Hear
✔️ Laura put "open to opportunities on the East Coast" in her performance review as a one-line experiment, and two months later her manager came back to make it happen.
✔️She describes joy as a baseline, a state she didn't know she was capable of until a year in upstate New York showed her it was possible.
✔️Version 1.0 Laura asked both parents separately if journalists make money, got the same answer, and quietly buried the dream of writing.
✔️Version 3.5 Laura announced she was moving to New York City during a pandemic with no plan, no neighborhood, and no timeline, and pulled it off in four months.
"I didn't know that I had the capacity to feel that level of joy, and I didn't understand that it was possible to have it as a baseline."
— Laura Dionisio
Ready to stop moving the goalpost and figure out what actually fits you?
Book a free 20-minute clarity call: https://www.leadintact.com/freeclaritycall
Grab the Heart-Aligned Career Transition Starter: https://www.leadintact.com/freebies/heart-aligned-career
-
You made the move, or maybe you're about to, or maybe you're still in it, showing up, performing, delivering, while something quiet in the background keeps saying, "This is not it." Either way, something has shifted, and you can't unknow it. Here's what nobody tells you. The landing strip is a little rocky once you come down from the high of accomplishment.
There are moments of real excitement, real clarity, like, "Yes, this is exactly where I'm supposed to be." And then night comes, and the anxiety rolls in, the what-ifs, the what am I actually doing? Not because you made the wrong choice, by the way, but because you're standing in the space between who you were and who you're becoming.
Done pretending this is enough, done pushing through, done ignoring the thing that keeps pulling at you. That's exactly where this podcast lives. I'm Laura [00:01:00] Dionisio, founder of Lead Intact, and I've been exactly where you are. The corporate success that stopped feeling like success, the leap that was equal parts terrifying and necessary, the messy, non-linear process of building something that actually fits, and learning to trust yourself through all of it.
This is the pivot point. Real conversations about what's actually happening beneath the surface, and what it takes to build a life that feels as good as it looks. Not just the wins, the attempts, too. Because I'm not here to romanticize the journey. I'm here to show you what it's really like. Let's get into it.
Welcome back, my friends, to another episode of The Pivot Point Podcast with your host, moi, Laura Dionisio. This is gonna be [00:02:00] a special episode because it is the birthday of this podcast and my birthday as well. So happy birthday, Pivot Point Podcast, and more importantly, happy birthday to me. I am, well, as of the recording of this podcast, turning 40 in a couple weeks.
But by the time you are listening to this, I'm already 40. So what I would like to do today is to share lessons learned and also a reflection of my growth, all 40 years. I'm just kidding. Can you imagine? We would be here forever.
But here's why I think this is important. One, you may see yourself in my own growth as I go through the different stages of my life, and two, I highly encourage you to do a similar exercise because it's so easy to forget where we've come from.
It's easy to judge our past self from the lens of today, especially if you're a high performer. Even when you're [00:03:00] winning, you're just kinda like, "Oh, onto the next." I had a friend visiting not too long ago, and she was talking about a win that she had at her job, and her other teammates were like, "Why don't you ring the bell at work?
That's amazing. That was a win just last week. You deserve to ring the bell." And her response was, "Yeah, but that was last week. I'm onto the next. We'll just move on." I used to be like that, too, and now I'm like, "No, I'm gonna celebrate every fricking win, because otherwise, what was the point?"
I'm not interested in continually moving the goalpost anymore because it actually doesn't feel good when I feel like I'm always lacking, which is what it feels like when I always move the goalpost to the next thing.
So what I'm gonna share today is an exercise that I came across an article a long time ago.
So this article talked about when you look at your age, think of it as a software version number. So for [00:04:00] example, now that I'm 40 As of when this podcast comes out, I am version 4.0. So what I would like to do is go through my life as software versions. So we're not gonna go all 40 years. We're gonna go version 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, and 4.0 with some minor release, minor software release in between to talk about some pivotal moments in between those decades.
So starting with version 1.0. I also have decided to put a software release name. This is just me geeking out, 'cause I thought it would be fun. So if you do this exercise, which again, I highly encourage you to do, come up with a name for that version of you. Okay.
Version 1.0, Practical Laura was born. So at 10 years old...
I had just moved back from the United [00:05:00] States back to the Philippines. So quick context, I was born in the Philippines, raised there until I was four, moved to United States, and then moved back to the Philippines at age eight, going on nine. So at 10, I was, like, one year in already back in the Philippines, and I remember, I distinctly remember thinking, "Okay, back when we were at school in the US, I always had a music class, and there was always some sort of physical, after-school class."
Like, I had done gymnastics as, as after school, right? And so in my 10-year-old mind, I'm like, "Okay, that means I need to also have some sort of creativity in the form of music, like classes, and also sports, because that makes me well-rounded." Now, I didn't think I wanted to do some sort of musical instrument or sport because I thought it was fun.
I just thought that was what I was supposed to do. So at that age, I asked to have flute lessons, and then I asked to get started with tennis. And the [00:06:00] other thing that happened is I was really passionate already at that age about reading, and, like, I would write my own stories. And I remember, again, practical Laura was born.
I was just like what kind of job would writers have? I don't think I wanna be, like, a fiction writer. I think, I think it's a jour- I wanna be a journalist." Again, practically minded. And then I asked my parents separately, "Hey, do, um, do journalists make a lot of money?" And both of them basically said something like, "They don't necessarily start off that way, but they could, but it requires a lot of hard work."
And me, version 1.0 practical Laura, was just like, "Well, I kinda wanna have money, 'cause that feels like something that would keep me safe, so I don't... i'm just gonna let go of the dream of being a writer, of being a journalist." So there you go, version 1.0 Laura.
Version 2.0, I call this, quote, unquote, "professional".
This is when professional Laura came to be. I graduated at the age of 20 from undergrad, [00:07:00] and before then, I was known someone who was just incredibly blunt. Incredibly blunt. Because at the time, I valued honesty over everything, and I didn't care if I hurt your feelings. I didn't care to soften my words in order to have it received well.
For me, it was just like, "It's my job to just tell it as it is." And I knew that I was rough around the edges. A lot of people would say, you know, like, "Wow, did you really have to say that, Laura?" And I'd be like, "Yes. Yes, I did." But what happened was, once I graduated from college, I had it in my head that I couldn't be that way, that it wasn't, quote, unquote, "professional".
And to a certain extent, that's probably true. But I really, looking back, I really took it to heart, and I decided that I could not be my full self at work, that if I felt any sort of anger, I must tamp it down in the name of being, quote, unquote, "professional". And, um, [00:08:00] and yeah, and even, even like I remember in those years, you have to remember that this was early 2000s, and I was in the engineering space, so I was young and female in a field that was mostly 50-year-old men and older.
That's just how it was. And so it was kind of true that there was a cultural expectation that women are supposed to be, uh, quiet, amenable, friendly, et cetera. So yeah, that was, that was me. It took me probably Well, it definitely over a decade to learn that being professional doesn't mean that you always have to have a game face on, you know?
But that's when it was born, is when I was 20. All right, moving on.
Version 2.7. I didn't wanna go straight to 3.0 because version 2.7, I love her. I love her. This version of Laura, I call her Joy As My Baseline. At this time, it was the first time that I [00:09:00] deviated from what I call The Plan, capital T, capital P, The Plan.
The Plan was always something along the lines of, okay, you're gonna be an individual contributor, and then you're gonna be functional team lead, and then you're gonna either go maybe chief engineer or project manager. But there was always some goal related to corporate, and every decision that I made in terms of saying yes to a job or to an assignment was always in service of me moving up the corporate ladder Version 2.7 Laura heard a quiet voice in her head that said, "I wanna move to the East Coast."
Now, mind you, at this point, I had just moved in with my best friend as my roommate to be closer to my job, because at that time, both of us were commuting about an hour one way, and so we're both like, "This is ridiculous." We were carpooling, but still, it was kind of ridiculous, and so we decided to move closer to where we both worked.
And so I was establishing community. Things were going well, and then a voice in my [00:10:00] head said, "I want to move to the East Coast." Now, at first, I sh- I should say version 2.6 Laura was just like, "Ain't no way. I just moved here. I'm gonna ignore this voice." Version 2.7 Laura was like, "Okay, I've heard this voice whispering for quite some time.
Let me just put it out there to the universe." And what I did at that time, it was like the end of the year, which meant that we had performance review, is I had put somewhere in there about are there additional goals you'd like to have for the following year.
I put something like, "I am open to opportunities on the East Coast." And then that's it. Submit it. Totally forgot about it. My then manager calls me in his office and is like Laura, what is, what is this note here? You put that you were open to opportunities on the East Coast?" And I was like, "Yeah." And he goes, "We don't have an office there or a customer or a supplier."
And I was like, "Yes, I'm aware." And he goes, "Okay. As you know, just as a, a reminder, the performance review [00:11:00] objectives are meant to be completed by the following year." And I said, "Yes, I'm aware." And he goes, "This is unlikely to happen. I just wanted to level set." I'm like, "Yes, I understand, but I just wanted to put it out there."
And that was around November of 2013. By end of January 2014, my manager stops by my desk and was like, "Hey, about that thing you wrote about open to opportunities to the East Coast, is that still true?" And this is why I have such love for version 2.7 Laura, because I put it out in the universe with zero expectation.
I said yes, and things were not easy at first. Like, I didn't know what my exact role was. It was a high visibility project. I had to give a daily report. It was cold as fuck. I'd never experienced negative six degrees Fahrenheit. Uh, I didn't understand that It could be so cold that you, your eyes would just cry without [00:12:00] you, wanting to cry.
It just happens. And it was the first time that I had felt that level of joy ever. That whole year, and mind you, I didn't even know it was gonna end up being a year, I just felt joy as my baseline. Certain things still happened, you know. I questioned some friendships. I questioned some of the way I approached friendship.
Like I said, like the logistics of it and in the beginning were really frustrating at first. I got locked out of a car in the snowstorm for three hours when I only had a, a light jacket on. You know, like, a lot of things happened, and my girl, 2.7 Laura, always had joy as a baseline so that when shitty things happened, I would just drop back down.
And I had never felt that level of joy before. I didn't know that I had the capacity to feel that level of joy, and I didn't understand that it was possible to have it as a baseline. And so when, for example, I got stuck in straight up stopped traffic for three hours, I [00:13:00] was in an okay mood. I was just jamming, eating my snacks, built a snowman outside.
This was during a unexpected snowstorm in April. And yeah, it was such a, it was such a gift, so many thanks to version 2.7 Laura, and I'm very curious if there is a pivotal moment in your life or maybe multiple where you still look back and you're like, "Damn, I was a freaking badass." Okay, now let's go to version 3.0 Laura.
I love version 3.0 Laura because I think prior to 3.0 Laura, I had an expectation that version 3.0 would mean would have everything freaking figured out, and version 3.0 Laura was just like, "Nope, I don't got shit figured out. I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm just now getting to know myself," and I freaking love it So I really have such love for version 3.0 Laura for finally not trying to force myself into a box.
Did I still have some [00:14:00] unboxing to do, so to speak, after that? Yes. And 3.0 Laura's the reason why I saw myself living in boxes to begin with in terms of, like, identity.
All right, let's go to version 3.5 Laura. This version I call fuck it. Why? Because version 3.3 Laura had a desire to move into a city. So at that time I'd been living in upstate New York, and version 3.3 Laura was like, "I think I'm ready to move to a city."
But then version 3.3 Laura was too much stuck into, "But I need to know how to make it happen before I admit what I actually want." Version 3.5 Laura, though, she was like, "Fuck it. I don't know how. I don't know when it's gonna happen. But I do know what's gonna happen." So version 3.5 Laura, January of 2021, was just like, "I want to celebrate my 35th birthday in New York City as a New York City resident."
So this would be July. But hey, April would be cool, too, [00:15:00] right? Mind you, This was pandemic. I was working remote, but I didn't know how long I was gonna be working remote for, and I knew that my job at the time would want me to go back to an office. I had a three-bedroom house. I had a car. I didn't even know what neighborhood I wanted to live in.
It did not matter. Why? Because version 3.5 Laura was like, "Fuck it." And guess what? Four months later, I managed to sell my house, sell my car, downsize, get a contract with my employer at the time that I was gonna continue working remote even after we were told to go back in the office. So hats off to version 3.5 Laura.
That brings us to the current, most up-to-date software version of myself, which is version 4.0. I don't know what version 4.0 is gonna bring, but I do know that I'm starting off fierce, feminine, and free. Because for the first time, I genuinely [00:16:00] wanna be unapologetically me, and that means while that, yes, I'm fierce, yes, I'm confident, yes, I will tell you as it is, it is also, yes, I have a huge heart, yes, I am soft.
Yes, I actually am somebody who has a lot of love to give, and yes, I will still tell you to fuck off if I feel like you're doing me wrong or doing one of my people in my inner circle wrong. Yes to all of it. So I don't know what this year, this decade, is gonna bring, and just like version 3.0 Laura, I also am looking forward to finding out.
I hope this episode has been helpful. I hope you are inspired to create your own version log of your life, because regardless of where you are right now and how you feel, you have come a long way, and you are amazing. If this episode spoke to you, please leave a review, rate it five stars. [00:17:00] It helps other people find this podcast.
Share it with a friend. I'm so thankful for each and every one of you, and with that, I will see you next time. Bye for now.
If this episode hit something in you, good. That's not an accident. The discomfort you're feeling isn't a sign that something's wrong with you. It's a sign that you're done. Done living in the eh, done waiting for it to magically feel better, done being really good at a life that doesn't actually fit you anymore.
And if good enough stopped being good enough a long time ago, that's exactly who I work with. I'm Laura DiNisio. I'm a coach for high achievers who are done pretending that checking the boxes is enough, and are ready to do something about it. If that's you, let's talk. Book a free clarity call at leadandtact.com/booking.
We'll figure out together what's actually going [00:18:00] on and what your next aligned step looks like. And if you're not quite there yet, that's okay too. Subscribe so you don't miss the next episode. Share this with a friend who needs to hear it. You probably already know exactly who that is. And with that, I'll see you next time