Ep. 5: You Can’t Un-Hate Your Job: Here’s What to Do Instead of Burning It All Down
One quiet morning, coffee in hand, inbox open… and the truth lands:
“I hate this.”
Suddenly, everything about your job starts driving you up the wall.
Your coworker’s end-of-meeting monologues? Rage-inducing.
Your keyboard? Too loud.
Every single Zoom call? Pure torture.
You don’t just want out, you want to BURN. IT. ALL. DOWN.
(Please don’t.)
In this episode, I walk you through what to do when the job you worked so hard for starts to feel like a trap. I share the story of my very first career pivot (the one where I sprinted out of burnout and made some very rookie mistakes) and how I learned to slow down, get clear, and make aligned decisions instead of reactive ones.
You’ll learn my signature Why / What / How framework to stop spiraling and start making empowered career moves, without blowing everything up.
Whether you’re in the middle of a quiet crisis or just starting to admit something’s off, this episode is your permission slip to get honest and move forward with clarity.
Mentioned in this episode:
Free video: The Principle of Why / What / How (YouTube)
Free guide: Heart-Aligned Career Transition Starter
Let’s connect
DM me on Instagram or Facebook @leadintact, I’d love to hear your story.
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You are listening to The Pivot Point where we unpack the defining moments that shift careers and lives. I'm your host, Laura Dionisio, a founder of Lead Intact, and my mission is to spotlight the raw real stories behind career pivots, the fears, the hopes. The messy middles and the bold decisions that follow if you're feeling stuck or quietly wondering what's next?
I hope these stories help you see yourself a little more clearly and inspire you to start moving toward your own dream life. Let's begin.
Hey there. Welcome to the Pivot Point, the podcast where we stop pretending everything's okay and start talking about what's really going on beneath the shiny career title. I'm Laura Dionicio, founder of Lead inta, and your go-to for purposeful career transitions. This space is for the high achievers who are quietly wondering, is this really it?
Whether your pivot comes from burnout, a breakup, a dream you can't shake, or just finally listening to that inner voice, you're not alone. Let's talk about it.
You've been denying your own feelings for a while until finally a quiet moment happens and your mind whispers, I hate this job, and suddenly you can't seem to stand anything. Does that sound familiar? Picture this, you're at a job that you've been in for let's say 10 years or so. You've had the promotions, you've had the accolades, you've had the awards.
You are in a lead position. You're doing great, you're doing all the things, and yet one day as you're scrolling your email and you're taking that first sip of coffee in the morning, that thought comes unbidden in your mind. I hate this. And it's almost like the moment you acknowledge how you really feel, everything seems to set you off.
Like, why are so many people on calls in this open concept space? Why won't they get a meeting room? Why does your teammate always have to ask a question at the very end of the meeting? Why do we have so many meetings? Why is this meeting a meeting instead of an email, and so on and so forth. You might feel like, should I just burn down the building?
Please don't. Metaphorically or otherwise. This is the time where it's the most important to really take a step back, take a breath, and slow down, because I promise you this may feel like a breakdown, but it's actually a breakthrough. Acknowledging how you feel is the first step to making an aligned change.
I remember my first pivot when I felt that way. This was my first job outta college. I was doing pretty well the first year. They made me into a functional team lead. By the second year, I have gotten an award from both a customer and the company. By the third year, I had gotten a bonus, a promotion, and just a lot of accolades.
By the fourth year I was over it. I was burnt out. probably was burnt out since year three or something like that, but didn't really allow myself to acknowledge the truth until the fourth year. And by that point it felt like a dam had burst it. It was almost like the moment I let myself have the thought, everything came pouring in and it was like I just could not stand to be there.
Any longer, and because I didn't know the idea of slowing down, I didn't know the idea of taking aligned action. What happened next was I just started acting from a place of angst and a place of frustration and did what I always did back then, which was go and go fast and go hard and go strong.
But I inadvertently caused myself so much more stress and anxiety than I really needed to, and it did work out for me. In the end, I did end up getting a job, which helped me grow as an engineer and led me to other amazing opportunities later.
But here's the thing, if I could go talk to my younger self now, and if this is you and you're currently feeling this, I'm talking to you listener, I would tell her to slow down.
Because when you're coming from a reactionary place like you're just reacting to your unhappiness or reacting to your state of being burnt out. You don't make the best decisions and you inadvertently narrow down the solutions that are possible. And here's what I mean by that.
If you're so focused on just getting out, you are not considering other job opportunities that may be open to you. You're not considering that. If you took some time to maybe reach out to those in your network, maybe do some informational interviews, that there might be other jobs that you never would've initially thought of, had you just tried to get out right away.
That's one thing. The other thing is. As it turned out to be, in my case, in that first pivot, you might be so desperate to get out and so frustrated in your current position that you come in to a job interview without any leverage, without any empowerment at all. So in my case, I remember. Setting like a metric for myself.
Okay, apply to at least, I think it was like 10 jobs a week or something like that. I had a spreadsheet because I was a spreadsheet person then I'm a spreadsheet person now. I. And I just remember being so stressed about oh, I have to make 10 this week. If I didn't make 10 this week, oh this, that, this is why I'm not getting a job.
And then I would stress out when I wouldn't hear anything from anyone, that kind of thing. So that by the time I did find a job. That responded back to me where we had the interview process, that kind of thing. I just was so desperate to leave that I didn't do some of the things that I would encourage my clients or what I would do for myself now, which is I didn't take the time to ask more about the benefits.
I didn't ask more questions to see if the company was a fit. For me as well. I didn't negotiate my salary 'cause I was just like, oh, it's higher than the other one and I get a bump in my title, so I should just go for it. So those are just some of the reasons why it is best, even though you may not feel like it.
It is best to pause and slow the process down.
I invite you to think of it this way instead of thinking of it as point A to immediately point B, where point A is where you are currently, and point B is where you're looking to go instead of just thinking of two distinct points. Think of it as, okay, I am starting the journey from point A to point B.
This is significant because if you just think point A to point B, there is a sense of immediacy like you have to get there, and if there's that constraint of time, which is most likely not real, then you're limiting yourself because your primary motivation is to get a job as soon as possible.
In reality, what you probably want. What your priority probably is to get a job that is better suited for who you are. In order to do that, you have to slow down. What that looks like is, okay, point A, this is where I'm at. It's clear that I hate my job. Let's say that's the real that's playing in your head over and over again. Okay. What else is true? What about the job? What is it about the job that you hate? Is it the number of meetings?
Is it the project itself? Is it your boss? Is it because you don't have a team? What is it? Be clear and then ask yourself, are there parts of this job that I actually like? Maybe you love your receptionist. Maybe you love that it's a hybrid job. Maybe you love that it's a full on remote job. What is it?
Be clear about where you actually are and then start getting curious. What could point B look like instead of just thinking of point B as a specific job title? Think of it as is this a job where I have a team? Am I leading a team? I wonder what I would like. Is this a job where I have a good relationship with my boss?
Is it a job where it's a smaller company? Would I like that? Just start playing around with the idea. And in this way, I promise you, your day to day will seem better just by shifting your focus. And here's why. If you are constantly feeding into the reel of, I hate this job, I hate this job, I hate this job.
What's gonna happen is on the daily, your mind's gonna be like, oh, she hates this job. Let me remind her why. Then all the things that you hate about your job, you're just gonna be reminded by it. If, however. Your, of the mindset of, I'm on a journey of going from point A to point B. Let me learn about point A.
Your mind is more open. You'll start seeing things that you may not have noticed had you still been in your pissed off, frustrated, burnt out state. If you're listening to this and you're like, I don't quite relate, 'cause I'm not like hating my job. Great. And what I ask is that you start to tune in about how do I actually feel? Because that's what's important and that's how you're gonna be able to slow down and not be tempted to just jump ship, like as soon as you admit to yourself how you feel.
So that was a difference in my second pivot. I was more honest about how I felt and how I felt at the time was I feel like I've grown a lot in this role. I. But my point B was geographically in a different location, so that was like my main motivation. I was living in Southern California at the time, and I had decided because of a temporary relocation gig in upstate New York, I decided at the time like, I like this job.
But what's more important to me is to be in upstate New York. So that became part of my point B. I did try at the time, try to get it so that my job would just have me work remote there. But this was like 11 years ago. Remote was not a thing. That's not something that you did at that time. So they said no.
So then I was just like, okay, then I started exploring, I started thinking about, what is it about this job that I like? What would I like to do instead? What do I not like, et cetera. I basically followed this process that I teach a lot.
So as part of Lead Intact, I teach my clients this framework called the principle of why, what, how, and what it is basically a framework that helps you make aligned decisions based on what both your heart and what your mind from like a not solution standpoint, but like a goal setting standpoint are telling you to do. And then you start looking at the solution. So the why is basically, in this particular case, why do you go to work? And if you say I go to work so that I make money, obviously 'cause I got bills to pay.
Okay. True, but the intention behind the why is to help you make decisions, right? Your why is gonna be your North Star. So if your North Star is, I want to have money so I can pay the bills, that's not really gonna help you narrow down the search for jobs.
Later on. Do you see what I mean? So for me, over time, what I realized is like my why for going to work's gonna sound so simple. My why is because I like to have fun and feel joy. That's it. Super simple. That is what brings me back to work. Now, mind you, part of what brings me joy is learning, is feeling challenged, like technically speaking again, 'cause I'm an engineer.
Part of what brings me joy is connecting with others. So like I can expand on that, but like the crux of it is I like to have fun and I like to feel joy. So how this helps me as my North star is say I am looking for another job, another position, or just other opportunities. I run it through my body and my heart, so to speak.
And if that's not language that sits with you just think of it as I've determined what my why is I run it through that filter. So I run it through that and I think to myself, does this opportunity, I. Bring joy to me when I think about it. Does it seem fun? If so, okay, I'm gonna proceed to the next step in my process.
Okay? So that's what I mean by what's your why in this particular context. The next step in this framework is what, right? Because this is called the why, what, how? What is basically you state your goal, or if you're an engineer like me, you state the problem statement, so let's take it back to my first pivot where I was just feeling really burnt out, frustrated, all that jazz.
Okay. My problem statement was that I was very unhappy and wanted to leave the job. Cool. So in the what stage, you just get further clarity on what you mean by that. Okay. The problem statement is, I'm unhappy. What else? What is making me unhappy specifically? Okay, because I am burnt out, what is making me burnt out?
Okay. I am burnt out because. I have the responsibilities of two leads, like two team leads with no support. Okay, now we're getting somewhere because now that we've fully defined oh, this is contributing to what's making me unhappy and to burnout. Now I know that when I'm looking for another position, I need to make sure that I have support.
So you just further break things down like that. The other things to consider in the what category is like. What do I enjoy? What are my skills? What am I good at? So for instance, you may be good at organization. Cool. You may be good at process and creating process, or you may be good at being a people manager.
Whatever it is, just get clarity on the what aspect. Now, the last step is the how. Okay. And keep in mind that as humans, if we're not aware, if we're not being conscious, we tend to go straight to the how. As an example, in my first pivot I noticed that I hated my job, and immediately I jumped to the solution of apply for a job.
That's not the only way I could have gotten a job. And later on. That's not the only way I've gotten a job, but this is the danger of jumping straight to how is that you may have a better solution that you have not considered, or you might not even looking at the right solution. If you don't first narrow down, get clear on what your why is and what it is that you're looking for.
Okay, so going back to the principle of why, what, how, once you're clear about your why and you have this whole list of what like what your skills are. What are the things that you like to do or don't like to do, what you're looking for, et cetera. Then you can start thinking about what are some ways that I can meet these goals or these skills?
What are the job positions that are available? Maybe you don't even have to change jobs. Maybe it's just a matter of talking to your manager and being switched to a different team. But if you are just reacting from a place of unhappiness, and I just need to get the fuck outta here, then you might go apply for another job when it turns out you could have had a better opportunity staying within your same company or even like talking to someone in your network who could offer you a job that you may not have thought of.
That's why I like to teach the principle of why, what, how to really slow things down so that you just have a more aligned decision that you are confident in, and you are coming from an empowered place once you decide what it is that you actually want to do. The second pivot that I mentioned, what ended up happening there is I took my time, I did acknowledge to myself, yes, I would like something different, and yes, I don't want to be here in Southern California anymore.
I did the thing that I just described to you. I listed out what my skills were. Some of my skills were niche in the aerospace systems engineering world which is my background. And some of them were transferable. Like I was very good at defining problem statements.
I was very good at creating requirements. I was very good at project management, that kind of thing. That doesn't just have to be aerospace engineering. And what ended up happening because I was open and because I wasn't attached to a specific how so to speak, I ended up being offered two different positions without me having to try too hard.
By the way, this was not me applying to 10 jobs a week. This was just me having a conversation with two friends who happened to know of openings . So I ended up with not just one, but two job opportunities in upstate New York and both of them were gonna help me with relocation expenses.
So all that to say, I have done both ways. And if you are in a position now where you're just like I gots to go, I highly recommend. That you slow down and do the process that I did in my second pivot and not so much the first.
And again, if you're just like head's exploding, I still am feeling very unhappy at my job.
Just some simple next steps. Tune into your why. What is it? What motivates you? That may be a little hard to think about right now if you are feeling very burnt out very much, I just need to get the fuck outta here. But I really do encourage you to try. You can journal on it, you can walk and just do a walking meditation.
I actually do have a find your Why meditation on YouTube, which I'll put in the show notes. You can listen to that and see what comes up. So that's step one is tune into your why. Step two is really get clear on the what aspect. What are your current responsibilities? What do you like about them?
What do you not like about them? What skills do you have? Are they transferrable? Are they niche? What are you interested in? What kind of responsibilities that you don't currently have? Would you like to have? Just get very clear on that. And then that's it. Don't get attached to the how, just for now tune into your why.
Get clear in the what, and then you'll be surprised things might come up, or like a conversation with a friend might strike up a, oh, wow. I never even considered that, but because I was thinking about, like these skill sets that I have and what I'm interested in exploring, I should do that. That feels right.
If this episode hit you deep and you're thinking, yep, I need help making my next move, I'm here for you. You can book a free 20 minute consultation. Call with me at www.leadintact.com. Let's talk about where you are, what's next, and how to get there. Without the panic spiral, or burning anything down. While you're there, grab my free guide, the Heart Aligned Career Transition Starter.
It'll help you connect with your future self and take that first aligned step forward. And if the why, what, how framework really resonated with you. I've got a free YouTube video that walks you through it in more depth. Check the show notes for the link. Thank you so much for listening. Subscribe if you haven't already, share this with a friend who needs it and send me a DM on Instagram @leadintact to let me know what landed for you.
I'd seriously love to hear from you, and with that, I'll see you next time.
All right, friend. That's it for today's drop. If this episode hits something deep, don't just sit with it, act on it. Share this with a friend who needs to hear it, and then head to www.leadintact.com to grab your free heart aligned career transition starter, or book a free 20 minute call with me. I'm here when you're ready to stop feeling stuck and start moving toward what you really want.
Catch you next time.