Ep. 23: How to ask for a raise or promotion from an empowered state

Ever looked at your workload and thought, “Why is the reward for my good work… more work?” Yeah. Same. Today, I’m breaking down how to reclaim your power, your pay, and your damn sanity.

This episode is a love letter to every high-achieving woman who has quietly taken on the work of four people while whispering, “It’s fine… I’m fine.”
I share the messy, honest arc of how I went from being the “Get Shit Done” girl—overworked, under-supported, and secretly furious—to someone who negotiates from grounded confidence, not righteous anger or panic.

Inside this story is the truth I avoided for years: hard work doesn’t equal self-worth. And the more I believed that narrative, the more burnout I invited. Over time, through mentors, emotional unpacking, and a lot of internal reframing, I learned how to stand up for myself, ask for help without guilt, set boundaries at work, and negotiate salaries from a place of power—not fear.

If you’ve ever felt underpaid, overwhelmed, or undervalued—or if you’re prepping for a raise or promotion—this one will shift something in you. I walk you through my exact evolution, the mindset resets, and the tactical 3-part negotiation framework I still swear by.

What You’ll Hear in This Episode:
✔️ Why being “the reliable one” leads to resentment—and how to break the pattern

✔️ The emotional layers behind imposter syndrome and feeling undervalued

✔️ How misaligned energy shaped my early salary negotiations

✔️ The five-month inner transformation that changed how I show up at work

✔️ The mindset and identity traps that keep high-achievers burned out

✔️ My step-by-step salary negotiation framework (the one that earned me a 16% raise)

If this episode hit a nerve (or ten), grab the Heart-Aligned Career Transition Starter at https://www.leadintact.com/freebies/heart-aligned-career
And if you want support navigating your next pivot, book a free 20-minute call at https://leadintactwithlaura.as.me/free-consultation I’ve lived this the hard way. You don’t have to.

• Transcript

  You are listening to the pivot point where we unpack the defining moments that shift careers and lives. I'm your host, Laura Dionicio, a founder of Lead Intacct, and my mission is to spotlight the raw real stories behind career pivots, the fears, the hopes. The messy middles and the bold decisions that follow if you're feeling stuck or quietly wondering what's next?

  I hope these stories help you see yourself a little more clearly and inspire you to start moving toward your own dream life. Let's begin.

   Have you ever taken a look at your to-do list at work and you think to yourself, why does it seem like my efficiency is being awarded with a lot more work? But then you're like, no, I can't really be mad though. Like I should be grateful I even have this job because the market's not that great. Maybe you're remote employee and you're like, you know, I can't leave because, you know, I should just be grateful.

  I have been there, done that, and in today's episode, I'm gonna talk to you about how can you come from a more empowered place in terms of standing up for yourself, whether you're asking for a raise, for a promotion, or to just maybe stop doing the work of four fucking people for the price of one.

  If you're listening to this, more likely, more than likely, you are the per, you're the go-to person.

  You are the, the person like well I had a guess. What does she call it? GSD, she's the GSD, the get shit done person. Literally, I've had in multiple jobs, I can remember one specifically where a chief engineer was like, oh, it's not getting done, just give it to Laura and it'll get done. And at the time I felt equal parts of like pride, like, oh my God, I'm known for someone who gets shit done.

  And also like a little bit fury. 'cause it's like, what the fuck? Like don't. Don't reward somebody else's incompetence, and reward my competence by giving me more work. Like how does, how does that make sense? And so I feel you, and here's the thing. I was. Quietly angry for a long time. Maybe you can relate to this.

  I was the person who was saying, oh no, I don't want the attention because like the work is just gonna be given to me. Ha ha. But secretly like fuming. Deep down inside. How many of you have heard that? How many of you had said that? I am both hands up. That was me, and it took me a while before I realized.

  Okay.

  First, let me just address like the truth that is, at least here in America the systematic truth, right? Um, there really is a pay gap between men and women, right? Like I just looked this up. It's women in the US earn about 82 cents for every dollar earned by men, and it's even less women of color.

  True. There have been studies on the imposter syndrome also true. Will your company most likely award your hard work and competence with more work? Also true. Is it possible or even likely that you look around you and the higher up people are like kind of incompetent or like they go to you and you end up doing their most of their job behind the scenes, but you don't get the credit.

  I mean, likely true too, and. And here's the part that I had to, you know, it took me a few years to realize, and why am I passively just saying yes? I guess this is just a, as you know, this is just how it is and I should just lay down and take it, and here's the thing. I remember I've, at this point, well, I'm no longer in corporate, but 18 years in corporate career, I have probably negotiated my salary.

  There's three times I can think of. Off the top of my head. I've probably done it more than that at this point in my career. But I did it from a very different place.

  The first time I negotiated a, a pay raise, it was because I was interviewing for another job. I came at it from a place of righteous anger.

  I remember I was like, I must negotiate. Just for the sake of negotiating, because I don't wanna be another statistic. I'm so mad of the other times where I didn't negotiate and I just took the job and I should do it for women, but deep down inside I was feeling anxious and I, I was like not really being real as far as.

  Like what the anger was hiding. Like there was an emotion underneath that. All I felt was the nervousness and the anger that of this, like towards the system that we have, which again is true what I know now. And if this is you listener and you're just like, oh my God, I feel that way and I'm so anxious, I know like I need to do it.

  I need to not be a statistic. And I feel all sorts of way about it. I really encourage you. Not to like shove those feelings aside, but just to say, Hey, okay, anger justified fine. What else is underneath that? Because for me at least looking back, comparing maybe the first time I negotiated for my salary compared to the last time, I'll tell you the difference in how I felt and the results.

  The first time I got maybe like I'll put numbers in, I think I managed to negotiate like, I don't know, like. Two or $3,000 more in my annual, whatever it was at the time. But leading up to that conversation, I felt really nervous. There was a tightness in my chest. I have like this feeling of like, like, I don't know, like this rush energy, like I have to prove energy.

  It didn't feel that great. By the time I got to the conversation, I bet some of my nerves were showing through. I did get. What I wanted. And after I got it, I didn't feel all that great. I was just like, oh, of course they should have. Why didn't they offer, like, I didn't even feel good after I got it. Okay.

  Now let's compare it to my last, the last time basically that I negotiated for my salary.

  I came at it from a place of I was just confident. Ease. Go with the flow. Honestly, a little bit of fuck it energy. I'm gonna dive deeper into the story so you can fully appreciate, 'cause I didn't start there.

  This is where I ended up. It was a process the last time I negotiated for my salary. I was just kind of like, I know my worth. I know it. I didn't have to drill in the statistics in my mind. There was no narrative of you have to do this, Lord, you must do it. Like I wasn't bullying myself to do it for the sake of not being a statistic.

  I was just kinda like. This is what I'm worth. And it was like a 16% increase, to be honest with you. Like I hadn't managed well, you know what? Let me just tell, let me tell the story. 'cause I think it would make more sense. So let's start with the first time I did it. I don't, to be honest with you, I've jumped a lot in my career at this point.

  I don't remember exactly which job this was, but. I will say my first pivot, I didn't negotiate at all. I think I talked about this in a previous episode. I didn't negotiate at all because I was coming from a place of I just wanna get the fuck outta here. I'm so burnt out, I'm tired. And I was just so grateful to get a job because I was doing the whole like, send out your resumes 10 times a day, that kind of thing.

  I don't recommend that. Don't do it that way. Okay. I remember thinking this time around like, okay, last time I didn't negotiate at all, like, this is wrong. I can't believe I'm a statistic. I just piled on the shame on top of the angst and the fear and the nerves.

  I so badly didn't want to feel the basically lack of self-worth that I was like, lemme just put shame on top. That's fine. Let me just get angry with. The world and the system and then, uh, use that as fuel, for my negotiation. It was okay, it was an okay experience.

  I said what I needed to and didn't feel great afterwards and got like kind of mediocre results. Now, the second time around, let me just walk you through the entire process, okay. Because, I mentioned that I ended up feeling really confident and like, go with the flow and nonchalant and fuck it. That's not how it started.

  How it started. It was honestly like, I would say five months, a five month process.

  It was the beginning of the year, I remember, and it actually started because a, a coworker of mine had started voicing the things that I was. Feeling, but not allowing my, myself, not admitting to myself that I felt, and that was like, Hey, do you get the feeling that we're being underpaid given that what we're doing?

  Because both of us, we were on the same team, we were both in lead positions, but we were leading different parts of the project. That project had like three different basically facets, so to speak. Let's just put it that way, and. We each led all three for our part, which was not common.

  Like there's supposed to be other people leading the other two. But for me, again, I was just like trying to put out fires. I had, I don't know, like firefighter syndrome to be honest. Looking back, it's like, I think I felt good being the go-to person, being so busy being like, I wouldn't have said this at the time, but it felt good and normal to be overwhelmed.

  Why? Because at the time I didn't realize that that is how I measured my self-worth. If you had tried to tell me that at that time, I would've punched you in the face. But like I'm just, and hey, if you're just like, wanting to punch me in the face for saying that I understand maybe it's not you or maybe it is and you know, wait a few months and then come back to this.

  But, but truly looking back. I was just like, why am I doing this? Okay. So, anyway, going back, my, my friend and I had like a candid conversation and I started to get real with myself. I was just like, I am so fucking overwhelmed.

  I've been asking for help. I keep getting a team, getting it taken away, getting a team, getting taken away. What the fuck is happening again? So outwardly focused, like blaming, like, you are not giving me support. I'm trying to tell you I need something, what is happening? And I, in my anger thankfully I had mentors at the time.

  I had like probably two or three mentors that I was talking to. And one of them finally was just like, that's so interesting, Laura, that you feel this way. And, um. You know, I can tell that you're very, very angry and if you are looking to have a negotiation on like a salary raise or like a promotion, you don't really wanna start or have that conversation with an emotional tone because you don't want an emotional outcome, right?

  If you're looking for pay raise, you need to have the conversation be more data driven and calm. Now, I didn't. Exactly like I agreed with it, but I would, I'm gonna add more to it now with what I know now. True. That you don't want to have necessarily, like the emotion of anger and you don't want a conversation like that.

  What you wanna have is basically like a grounded, calm conversation and rooted in confidence and self-worth, like knowing that. You are worthy and that you are not trying to prove anything to anyone. You wanna come from that place. Yes. Bring the data in. I think what's more important though, is that your energy is the, I know I deserve this energy, not the, oh my God, I know I deserve this.

  Please, fingers crossed, please just see me as, as I really am because I have a hard time seeing myself and this, let's not do that. Okay. So when he said that, that mentor of mine, I was just like, okay. I'm still very angry. So let me kind of go within and understand like, where's this anger coming from?

  And again, those old narratives of corporate is gonna take advantage of you. This is why you don't wanna stand out because the more competent you are, you're just gonna be awarded with more work. You know, like all the shit that's kind of like, mainstream, right? This is, I'm sure you've heard that before and I've definitely said it before I, and I really believed it, but then I realized, wait a minute.

  This is probably at that point, like my fifth job. It keeps happening and I had to really sit down and ask myself, what are the actual facts here? Like, what is actually true? Is it true that I have asked for help and gotten my team taken away? Okay. Yes. Is it true that my experience has been that every job that I've been in, that I show up, I do the work, I work really hard, and I get rewarded with more work.

  Yes, that's true. What's also true is like in other jobs, I've gotten bonuses, I've gotten awards. So it's not true that the only award I got was more work. So I'm like, okay. Let's unpack that. 'cause clearly there's like emotional entanglements and assumptions and stories that's not quite true.

  Like the, the stories are making me feel a certain kind of way that maybe if I really wanna approach this conversation without so much anger, I can like go of some of the stories that are making me feel a certain kind of way. So when I really thought about it first of all, I am the common denominator in all of these jobs and it keeps happening.

  So I had to ask myself, what am I doing? What am I allowing that this happens? Keeps happening over and over again. The first thing I realized is I jokingly, but like really not jokingly would say. Oh, I am, you know, I don't need nobody. I'm an independent woman baby. You know, like I get it done.

  I always have my shit together, you know? And I realized, oh wait. If this is my identity and I always present myself as this independent person who doesn't need anybody, then no wonder the higher ups keep taking my team away because I keep making it seem like I'm not sinking when I am. Because my identity and my self-worth was wrapped around being seen as someone who always has their shit together.

  I'm like, oh, okay. That's how I am contributing. Okay. You know what? I'm gonna explore ways in which I am actually being honest about where I'm at and how can I actually ask for help. From a place of neutrality. Like I'm asking for help because this is what I need. Not like I'm asking for help and oh my God, please don't see me as weak 'cause I'm asking for help.

  Do you know what I mean? There's a difference in energy there. I just had to, I had to reframe the idea that asking for help equal being weak because in fact, not asking for help led me to burnout. I knew that for a fact. I started showing up differently at work and as a result I started getting calmer and I'm like, you know what?

  Oh, okay. I can ask for help.

  The other thing that I realized, like as far as like what led me to be burned out over and over again is that I didn't really have very great boundaries when it came to work. If I identified a problem, I immediately took it on like immediate accountability, a hundred percent.

  I. Usually didn't stop to think, is this even mine to do or somebody else's? I just, I identified it, I did it, got it done. And of course, everyone loved me for it. Yeah. So no wonder I would get assigned things that were outside of my scope of work. Oh, that was my part in the experiences that I had.

  Like, oh, I get it. Okay. I'm gonna own that. And so then at work when I identified a problem and someone would say, oh, Laura, can you take care of it? I actually took the time to pause and ask which group is actually in charge of this thing. And if it wasn't me, but like the other person was unavailable or whatever, I would at the very least specify, you know what this is actually, Ben's not really a coworker of mine.

  This is actually Ben's, you know, like team, but like, I know he's out. So let me just get it started. I'll include him in all of the emails and stuff, but really, he should take that on. I started doing things like that and as a result I stopped getting, some of these requests and I started to create more space, basically for me to be able to do what I needed to do.

  So I started calming down, and then once I felt like I was no longer operating from a place of anger and, um, what's that word? Yeah, like I'm just, I'm just picturing those with like, uh, the pitchfork and the, the fire, ah, I didn't have that energy anymore with regards to the conversation in a calm place, I realize, yes, I am being underpaid, but rather than be like, ah, see, like, fuck my job and fuck everybody, and like, this is because corporate America's stupid.

  Like, rather than from that place, I just said, okay, now how can I put data into that? So I'm gonna give you. The framework.

  So the, the first part is if you are looking to negotiate or raise a promotion or you are negotiating, like in interviews, the first part again is the identity, right? When you are entering these conversations, what emotional state are you entering them in?

  Are you in a grounded, confident, peaceful state? Yes, go proceed if you are feeling anxious, nervous. Questioning, do I even deserve this? Go do some work first and, and like really understand the question of, for example, do I deserve this? Where's that coming from? You know, like where are you deriving your sense of self worth from?

  'cause for me it was working really hard, you know? And like, and why was I working really hard? 'cause I felt like I constantly had to prove myself. And if I feel like I constantly have to prove myself, what does that mean? It means that I. Cannot see my own worth, no matter how much other people are seeing it in me via like the awards, the bonuses, and previous jobs.

  I couldn't see it in me. So it was kind of like a loop, right? So if you're resonating, you know, get real with yourself, is it possible that for all my bravado, I actually don't have a high amount of self-worth? And if that's the case, that's okay. That's okay. Shit. That was not a fun discovery for me, but it was the most enlightening one because it allowed me to redefine what self-worth meant.

  It allowed me to read, like it allowed me to approach work from a place of, I get to do this and I'm good at this, versus like, I have to do this because I need people to see how good I am. You see what I mean? Okay. So again, step one, get clear on your inner landscape. How are you doing? Are you in a grounded, calm?

  Place, whatever you need to do. Okay? Now step two was like the actual tactical how, and a mentor told me this and I'll never forget. So think about like now in this case, I used this because I was negotiating an out of cycle pay raise. The first step is, you know, when I first came in and got offered this job, the responsibilities were X, Y, and Z and the compensation.

  For that was X amount of dollars. And given those responsibilities, it is totally fair. And in the past three year, however many, the past two years, one year, whatever, beyond X, Y, and Z responsibilities, I have also done A, B, and C. And I plan to do de and f, you know, through this certification, or through this project, or through this.

  Whatever. So basically what you're saying is like you are saying where you started from, you're saying what you did beyond the original scope of work, and then you're saying, this is where I plan to go. And then from there you say, for that reason, the compensation of however many dollars is no longer aligned with the amount of responsibilities that I'm now overtaking and planning to expand on.

  And. So that's the first part, right? You're framing up your increased scope of responsibilities and skillset and whatever else. The second part is you say, and based on my market research, so, so this would be like looking at other job postings, looking at like something like glass doors indeed, LinkedIn, all that.

  I also had interviewed for other places, I looked up actual job postings. So then you say, based on market research. I believe with my skillset and experience and amount of responsibilities, the appropriate compensation is this range. Always give a range. Don't give a number, give a range. And then basically that's, that's it.

  It's like a, what is that? How many part? That's like a three parter, and I'm pretty sure I did that same kind of, or like a very similar. Structure the first time I negotiated for a job. But let me tell you, like I said, because I was coming from a place of angst and I hadn't addressed my underlying lack of self-worth , it didn't matter that I had that same framework. Why that framework worked this time around. It is because I came from a place of like, and what? We both know this is true. And by the way, when you really start to see yourself for who you are, when you stop trying to prove yourself and you're just like, damn, I have done a lot.

  And even though my words in the past had said something like, if I were to leave, you're gonna be fucked. It was the first time I was like, oh no, you really will be, I mean. Like you'll figure it out eventually, but like I am worth a lot more than what you're paying so that's what happened. And the result of that is I ended up getting a 16% out of cycle pay increase and then bad ass.

  I was at the time, because like I said, one of my market research was interviewed for this job. I ended up getting that job and then in that job they offered me something and I was like, well, I just got this huge pay increase in my other job. Can you match or exceed that they fucking did and a bonus on top.

  So I'm not saying that I'm gonna guarantee you're gonna get a 16% out of cycle increase. What I am saying is that when you use, not just this framework of like the the three point framework that I mentioned, but when you work on the inner landscape of like how do you actually see yourself, where does your sense of self-worth come from?

  And you approach the conversation from there. That plus the tactical three pointer that I mentioned. Okay. Just to recap, the three pointer is one you state basically like where you started, the responsibilities you had and the compensation for that, and you mention, you know, and that's fair.

  Two, you mentioned basically how you have. Expanded your responsibilities over time and how you're planning to do even more. And then three, market research is where the data comes in, where you believe the appropriate compensation should be the range. So there you have it.

  I would love to hear if this is something you can relate to.

  Do you have a similar story? If you would love to work with me or if you would like more support specifically when it comes to these types of conversations. Book a free 20 minute call. I am here for you. I love this shit because I have lived this shit the hard way. So let me help you make it easier on yourself so you don't have to go through the years that I did.

  And as always, if you resonated with this, share this with a friend. Hit like, subscribe, comment below and I will see you next time. But first, whatever it is that you're looking for. Proceed as if success is inevitable because it is. I'll see you next time.

  All right, friend. That's it for today's drop. If this episode hits something deep, don't just sit with it, act on it. Share this with a friend who needs to hear it, and then head to www.leadinta.com to grab your free heart aligned career transition starter, or book a free 20 minute call with me. I'm here when you're ready to stop feeling stuck and start moving toward what you really want.

  Catch you next time.